One day, while sitting at my desk, I realized how tough life had been lately. I went through a major surgery, in addition to various other treatments, from which I haven’t yet fully recovered physically. My nose bleeds like an open faucet practically every day.

Too many relationships with close friends degraded in the past 6 months due to my own failure to set my priorities straight.

I tried to turn to FOSS and force myself to work as an escape from reality, to forget for a second all the horrible things that had been done to me lately.

It seems I cannot run away from my feelings or emotions anymore. It’s time to face the demons that have affected me so deeply; I can no longer run away from them.

My appetite has been reduced to a non-existent status. I’ve lost way too much weight along with the motivation to do practically anything, not to mention the insomnia I’m suffering from.

Attempting to not focus on the pain and anger inside me and instead redirecting it onto FOSS has led to me hating the thing I loved the most: hacking on software.

My motivation and will to wake up every day keep waning more and more just when I realize that I am suffering while someone was able to hurt me so deeply and just walk away, unscathed. It feels unfair.

I don’t know the purpose of this blog post. Take it as you may.

At least some things calm me down.